PhD Blues

So I have been on break for 1 month and 4 days and have yet to successfully complete any of my goals. I have started them all, but have not finished them. I am experiencing insomnia, which is rare for me. This leads me to believe that I have the PhD blues. I did research on it to see if I was making this up, but alas, I was not! That made me feel a little better. I tried to cry, but I am so emotionless that crying is really difficult for me to do. I am weird like that. People die in real life and I say a prayer for them and turn to the NFL network. But every time Shelby dies on 'Steel Magnolias,' my eyes at least tear up. So I am frustrated. I defend my proposal on Monday and I am a little nervous. Not because of lack of knowledge or anything, but because of possible questions. I want people to say okay and just sign my paper lol I know it doesn't work that way though. But I will prepare in the next few days and just do it. I have to finish 2 mini-jobs that have taken longer than I expected so that I can be put in ABD status. Then, I want to submit an abstract for a presentation, which is due on Thursday. It's just so much! But I have to make this happen. Once I am done this defense, I will feel better but SHIT i hate this feeling. Doctoral work f*cks with an intellectual's head. Like comes at your self esteem. It actually takes you into a temporary bipolar state. Some days I wake up feeling capable of conquering the world, while others I can't get out of the bed. But the advice I keep getting is that regardless of how you feel; just do it! So I am going to forth, but I am depressed. Not social life, regular depressed. PhD depressed. It's different. It only applies to this work. When I'm not in a space where I am thinking about it; I am beyond happy. But as soon as I think of anything other than seeing signatures beside the "approved by" pages; I am blue as hell. I know I will get over it but DAMN I hate this space. But since mediocrity is not an option; I will get the hell over it.